BTwoK Captured at Last!!!
Zedd, 02/27/05
Anytown, USA—The notorious human impersonating robot, BTwoK has been captured at last while ‘working’ on his PhD thesis at the Acme College of Nefarious Arts and Sciences. It is possible that the creature has been undercover at ACNAS since late in 1998, but it is more likely that he befriended a student who enrolled in 1998 and later assumed his identity after draining his lifeforce by telling carefully crafted tales of flying salami, road kill barriers, and sabre-toothed housecats, among other things.
First detected in 1996, B1K, as he was then known, was impersonating a high school student. At that point, his story telling skills had yet to be perfected, as his tales of lunchmeat bombs, mysterious radio studios, and his ‘naked’ next door neighbor were met with snickers and guffaws instead of the intended wasting illnesses.
Not to be deterred, B1K sought a software update, received in the form of a 2.5” floppy diskette inserted orally and consumed theatrically, replete with smacking gums and silly grins. After the update, he was known as B2K or BTwoK. Authorities were dismayed to learn of these developments because as B1K, the robot had a finite lifespan, likely to terminate in the wee hours of 2000 (or 2001 (they weren’t quite sure which)), but with the software update, B2K would remain in operation well past that date and had also received important security updates, aimed at keeping him hidden from the law indefinitely. After graduating at the head of his class in 1998, B2K disappeared, until his dramatic capture in 2005.
Authorities were drawn to the Acme College of Nefarious Arts and Sciences early in 2004, when local literary magazines received sporadic works of fiction from an anonymous writer that included many themes associated with B1K’s stories of the mid-90s. Dungeons and Dragons also received a series of ridiculous adventures that were anonymously submitted by someone at ACNAS.
This set authorities upon a trail that lead through Anytown. They knew of B2K’s affinity for recently dropped foodstuffs and devised a plan of capture. Agents circulated through campus posing as hungry students. They munched upon potato chips, occasionally dropping a chip with a flourish, to be sure that it would be observed. They knew that B2K would not be able to resist these freshly dropped chips and would reveal himself. Sure enough, after only 3 hours, a student retrieved a dropped chip and ate it, after the agent assured him that he didn’t want it anymore. B2K’s reign was, at long last, over.