The Funnies, Part One
Zedd, 12/01/04
OK
It’s been a little while since anyone’s done anything on the site, so I’ve come up with a few amusing anecdotes to share with the CNF horde. Basically, these are things that I’ve seen or heard that made me laugh, and I hope you’ll laugh as well. If things go well, I’ll keep adding new installments to The Funnies as I hear about or see more funny and/or crazy things. If you think you have something that could be mentioned in The Funnies, send it to me with the subject line “The Funnies” and maybe I’ll include it sometime. Please stick to factual accounts. It’s ok to enhance it here and there to make it more interesting, but it had damn well better be based upon a real event. I reserve the right to edit or whatever any story as I see fit. Also, let me know if you want credit for the story in the form of a pseudonym, email address, or web page, or would like to remain anonymous.
Here we go.
Unicrazymofocycling
A lot of you know that I’m a juggler/unicycler/[insert odd hobby here]er. I’ve found a juggling club up here in Portland to help continue the development of these crazy habits. Each week, I go and throw lots of things around, sometimes while balancing on top of a wheel. One week, some kids brought some unusual props…Well, mostly, they just brought a bed of nails. Throughout the juggling session, people glanced at the bed of nails with interest and towards the end of the club, a large crowd gathered at a discreet distance from the bed as “The Twins” started to get ready. The smaller ‘twin’ proceeded to lay down on the bed of nails and stayed there as video cameras were placed at various angles. Twin2 proceeded to ride his unicycle at breakneck speed toward twin1 and jumped right over him and said bed of nails. Twin2 helped twin1 to his feet and they bowed to the cameras. They then proceeded to do the stunt about 10 more times, each time with different camera angles. Incredibly, nothing went wrong. I only wish that I had asked them to try out the bed myself. Then I could style myself as Zedd, the incredible nail-bed tester. Oh well, maybe some other time.
Crazed Wheelchairs of Death
My girlfriend, who shall henceforth be referred to as Ginger, works as a security guard at a small college in northern California. Sometimes, she works the graveyard shift, from 11PM until 7AM. It’s pretty brutal, but sometimes it is worth it. For instance, one night, Ginger was about to go lock all the doors on campus when she saw a lone student riding a wheelchair around the parking lot. Not thinking that this was too unusual, she proceeded to make her rounds of campus. When she returned to the security hut, she was astounded to see this student racing across the parking lot at a rather high rate of speed. How was he going this fast, you ask? Did he have arms of steel? No, but he did have a death grip on the bumper of his pal’s truck, which can pull a wheelchair with absolutely no problem, I assure you. After nearly hyperventilating with laughter, Ginger approached these students. Surprisingly, they appeared to be sober. They didn’t see why they shouldn’t engage in such activities, but they left the parking lot without incident. Come on guys, what the hell?
Remember That Joke…
about the premed student who was in her bio class and got rather humiliated during a discussion about the taste of semen? “But it doesn’t taste sweet,” she said. “Your taste buds for sweet are on the tip of your tongue not the back of your mouth,” he replied etc. I could have posted it, but I didn’t feel like going through 210 old forwards to find it.
Anyway, Ginger (remember Ginger?) got to witness a similar event during her anatomy class. A student raised her hand and asked (I paraphrase) “If someone has a lot of anal sex, but exercises her kegel muscles regularly, will it prevent her from becoming incontinent due to all the anal action?” I wish I could tell you the professor’s response, but Ginger was too busy rolling on the floor to listen very carefully.
Well, that’s all for now. Hopefully, I will have some material for a new installment of The Funnies before too long. Ciao.