Gondor Approves Civil Unions for Hobbits
Parsley, 01/07/04
Two hobbits embrace as news of the King’s announcement reaches the Shire.
In what is widely viewed as a historic move, the Kings of the West announced today that they would permit civil unions for hobbits within the kingdom of Gondor.
While the ruling stops short of opening the door to hobbit marriage, it is nevertheless being praised as a great step forward for hobbit rights.
“Finally, the Shirefolk can receive legal recognition, whether they choose to share a hole with their cousin, gardener, old gaffer, or bosom friend. It’s long overdue, but at last we have the rights other races take for granted,” said a spokesman for the Tooks, historically one of the most liberal hobbit families.
In the wake of Gondor’s announcement, many hobbits are already making plans to apply for a union as soon as the new policy takes effect. “It’s funny,” remarked one Underhill resident. “Someone was telling me just the other day that my dear friend would be asking me for a ring soon. I just didn’t realize how soon!”
The Elessar administration, however, has taken steps to emphasize that the recent ruling authorizes only secular civil unions, not marriage in the traditional sense. Said one senior administration official, “Marriage will always be a sacred bond between a man and a woman, or perhaps a man and a tragic, virginal elf-maiden. Nothing will ever change that, and the King would be willing to consider a constitutional amendment to that effect in a few hundred years when someone puts together a constitution”
“I made a promise. A promise,” explained a local gardener. “‘Don’t you leave him, Samwise Gamgee.’ And I mean to keep it.”