New Vulgar Slang Terms
Parsley, 06/11/03
Incorporate these into your lexicon post haste.
1. For years, devotees of “gross” anatomy have had to remember two lengthy lists of terms: one referring to the male genitalia and another to the female (and indeed, in many cases those who wish to refer colorfully to the female form must devote a portion of their precious mental resources to yet another subset of slang - scientists refer to this as the “Sweater Meat Conundrum”). Meanwhile, linguistic trends in the respectable sector of the English language have leaned towards consolidation of terms and understatement of gender difference (c.f. letter carrier, first year student, utility access hole, etc.). While the vulgar vulgate has traditionally experienced the fastest and most democratic expansion of any lexigraphic domain, in the present age loutery lags sadly behind the ever-advancing crest of linguistic technology.
It is into this darkness that we are proud to introduce the first ever unisex pudendal euphemism, “gordita.”
Unlike such past designations as “trouser snake,” “love wand,” and “bearded clam,” gordita can be used to signify either the male or female naughty bits.
Usage examples:
Male
“look at the gordita on that guy!”
“suck my gordita”
“someone kicked him right in the gordita”
Female
“(to) eat her gordita”, “eating the gordita”
“(to) put guacamole on the gordita” (see also “guacamole gun”)
“tasting the gordita”
Note also that the broad applicability of gordita allows it to refer to both male and female primary sexual characteristics at the same time, a possibility which does not exist even with such undisputed classics of sexual argot as “cock” and “pussy”:
“We were touching gorditas.”
Be aware, however, that phrases such as “he put his gordita in my gordita” are apt to be misunderstood, and are at any rate aesthetically displeasing.
2. $10 roll of meat quarters.