Things that were meant to be seen
Parsley, 04/09/03
I came from home work early today and I saw that the episode of the X-Files written by William Gibson was on, so needless to say I ended up eating nachos and watching the whole thing. The X-Files is certainly an artifact of a time that’s passed - around the time of the Internet boom and the height of the Clinton era it was one of those real zeitgeist shows (today it’s American Idol), but by the last few years of its run the X-Files was a dinosaur. And it’s certainly also true that identifying yourself as an X-Files fan is pretty embarassing, what with all the conspiracy nonsense and lurid fanfic. And some episodes were just BAD. But when the X-Files was good it was as good as anything on TV ever. So since I just saw that one really great episode and I don’t feel like writing my paper, here are a dozen or so of my favorites, which you can probably catch on TV pretty easily if you watch at a lot of strange times.
The episodes are in no particular order.
- The one where there’s a monster in some lake
Scully has a dog with her for some reason and it gets eaten. She and Mulder get stuck on a rock in the lake and think they’re trapped until they see a duck and realize they’re ten feet from shore. Ruined, as were many older episodes, by crappy special effects at the end that could easily have been left out. - The one at an Air Force base where Seth Green is stoned
Actually I think he was in a couple other episodes too. I remember watching this one late at night one time, and at the end when they erase Mulder’s memory I was practically shaking with rage. Maybe I was drunk, I don’t remember. But you haven’t lived until you’ve stayed up late getting riled up by the X-Files. - The one where the magician’s head falls off
This one is kind of confusing. It’s a neat story though. - The one written by William Gibson
This is the one I just saw. If you’ve read Neuromancer you’ll recognize some embarassing similarities, but there are also some things done better here. I like when Scully beats up those nurses. But what I really wish is that they’d gotten Neal Stephenson to do one instead. - The one with the green bugs
People who know me are probably sick of hearing about this one. Possibly my very favorite. The best X-Files, in my opinion, are these stand-alone monster stories, not the stuff having to do with the ongoing aliens/CIA/cigarette-smoking plot. Remember back when people thought that thing was eventually going to make sense? Like I said, zeitgeist. - The one where they are interviewed by a novelist and all tell different stories
I have had a hard time describing this one to people but I’m sure you’ve seen it; whenever they have a viewers’ choice marathon this usually ends up on top. Mulder screams like a girl and that one guy says “blankety-blank.” But the best line of all: “I didn’t play Dungeons & Dragons all those years without learning a little something about courage.” Preach it, brother. - The one where they are held prisoner by a giant mushroom or something
This episode will really mess with your head. The guys who came up with this stuff should get medals. - The one where that ugly kid is a vampire
Another one where they all tell different stories. But I picked it because it’s the episode where Mulder sings the Shaft theme after he gets knocked out. I don’t think David Duchovny really got enough credit for being as funny as he was. - The one where that guy with a tail pretends to be Mulder
I haven’t seen this one in a while but it’s really really good. - The one where Mulder gets beat up
Oh wait, that’s all of them. I appreciate that kind of thoroughness. - The one where the mutants keep their mother under the floor or something
Definitely the most upsetting of all X-Files episodes. And it takes place maybe a half an hour from where I grew up, which I guess I am kind of proud of. - The one at the freak show
Everybody loves freaks. Especially murderous ones. - The one where Bruce Campbell is a demon
I just really like Bruce Campbell. It’s too bad he couldn’t be in more episodes.
This list is getting pretty long, huh? I wonder what I left out.