Brown-Eyed Strippers

Lobagirl, 11/23/02

Before the featured selection, a note on the LobaGirl parodies: These lyrics are meant to be enjoyed within the musical context of a specific song. If you are not already familiar with the song, well, get out from under your proverbial rock and go find it. You shouldn’t even have to spend money; music piracy was invented for such things. Ask around. These aren’t obscure songs by any stretch. If you can’t figure out the original title, drop me a line and I’d be happy to enlighten you.

Now, without further ado…

Brown-Eyed Strippers
by LobaGirl (2000)
with apologies to the Grateful Dead

Gone are the days when the sun came down
And we’d take off our clothes and he’d feel all around
Gone are the days when he’d beg and he’d plead,
“Baby, just once could you go down on me?”

1990 when our dating began
He told me wasn’t a porn type of man
I was elated but I just didn’t see
How his straightedge façade completely fooled me

(He liked)
Brown-eyed strippers and men’s magazines
The centerfold’s open, and his fingers ain’t clean
Imagine my shock when I stepped through the door
And saw him drooling over a Playboy whore.

Found two packs of Camels in his top dresser drawer.
He swore he’d never had a smoke before.
That made me angry, but it wasn’t as bad
As the Internet pictures he got from his dad.

(They were)
Brown-eyed strippers from men’s magazines -
Pictures from Hustler circa 1980.
How could I know that his sweetness and charm
Were only his cover for a practiced right arm?

BRIDGE:
Well, I dumped his ass and moved to Green County;
Swore I’d never love a man again.
My goddamn ex met a dancer named Bambi,
And me? I took up with a cute girl named Jenn…

Gone are the days when I’d put up with men,
Take all their shit and still come back again.
Life’s been better since my door swings both ways;
And some things I’ll never see the rest of my days:

Brown-eyed strippers in men’s magazines,
Drunken, dumb hard-ons they’d beg me to please.
I’ve finally found love on the queer side of town
And we always take turns when we’re going down.